varnachitram

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Guest Review: Christian Brothers

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(This review was written by Hari Krishnan and is cross posted from his blog Malayalam Movie Reviews)

Direction: Joshiy / Joshee/ Josh-hee or some other funny spelling.  Other crew: I don’t know, and I frankly don’t care, because, they are not even worth mentioning.

Well, we have all seen this – a hundred times.  A father of high moral values – misunderstands his son – thinks son is gone rogue -  dad supports the villains -  kicks the son out of his house – later when the villains attack the father,  son returns – saves him – father says sorry and dies.

Just to refresh your memory – Sphadikam, Balettan, Chotta Mumbai – a few in which Gentleman Cadet Mohanlal himself starred.  So if you have seen any of those,  save yourselves from this one,  go buy a bottle for the cost of the ticket and enjoy your evening.

Josheeyi, Josh-hee, joshy josh hey Joshey after the hangover of 20-20 is stuck in the same soup formula,  mega movies,  huge stars(literally!),  larger than life roles and cheap slap stick comedy.

Here is the story,  or what is left of it:  Rtd. Captian Vargheese Mappila (Saikumar) marries off his daughter Jessy (lakshmi Gopalaswamy) to Krishna(Goergootty) who is actually a pimp in Mumbai. Christi(Mohanlal ) who is a decent god fearing, family loving son, as he always used to be in all movies,  goes to Mumbai and finds out the dealings of Georgeootty.  Georgeootty kills the goondas who were chasing them for no apparent reason, while he could have run away, hands over the gun the Christi and escapes. The police arrests poor innocent Christi(violins in the background, please).  Georgootty doesn’t stop there – he goes home, kills Jessy, his wife, again for no apparent reason. The clever villain then goes to Kerala, to Saikumar and tells him its Christi who did all this.

Tang da-dang !

Poor Christi out on bail, returns to his father to explain these things – Then the familiar thing happens -
Christi: “Dad, I have to tell you something”
Vargheese Mappila: “No, I dont want to hear anything! You have spoiled the family’s prestige ! you killed my daughter! Get out ! I dont want to see you again!”

Christi: “ But dad, its kind of important, you should hear this
Vargheese Mappila: “No! I dont want to hear it! Get out!”

(well, if you remember seeing such scenes a 2983 times before, starting from Satyan-Sheela movies,  its your fault,  you don’t forget anything, do you?)

Christi, is disappointed as much he would be if he didn’t get ticket to a movie, walks out of the house,  promising never to return.

That bugger pimp Georgeootty, killed his sister, put him in jail, blamed him for everything, won the trust of dad, and is staying in the same house with your other sister -  and Christy cool, simbly walks out.

If you are still with me, there is more- Suraj Venjaranmoodu is irritating( if i had a cook like him, he wouldn’t last 2 days at my home – got to admire the patience of the Home Minister – enacted by Devan), Harisree Ashokan( his 24th time in the role of a broker) is damn irritating.  Guys, wake up!  The name of what you did on screen is called cheapness, not comedy. I had a better laugh when I watched clowns in cheap circus tents.

The intro scene of Mohanlal:  After the usual build up,  there is fire all over the screen – Mohanlal appears and floats horizontally and fires bullets at the audience, then he splits into 3 and joins back again.  What an amazing skill!  I hear that Mohanlal recently mastered this trick while training with the Indian army.

Then there are the main villains- Vijayaraghavan and co. They just drink scotch whiskey near the pool and randomly stab and kill people.

The average age of all the actors in the movie is 53 years, 9 months.

A fat and old Suresh Gopi, a faint shadow of his former movie image,  mouthing rhyming dialogues and marching here and there in uniform.

The fight scenes at regular intervals of 20 minutes are perfectly choreographed by Disco Shanti. No body gets hurt.(nothing spectacular here, go out for a smoke if you like. if you have seen one Mohanlal fight, you have seen it all)

Its a 3 hour 15 minutes of non stop torture. Wait for a few weeks and the theater projector operators will do some editing for you,  and hopefully make more sense then what is presently there. I am sure with some lavish use of scissors, we can recycle the rubbish and re-create a 10 minute crisp completely different movie, or maybe a couple of them.

Other than to show a bit of skin and also to show us, the stupid audience, that Christi is a man with emotions and is capable of loving and caring, there is Lakshmi Rai, and two completely unnecessary songs.

Dileep blabbers his usual stuff and roams around through screens, well,  I don’t know what else he did in the movie, other than being a reason to bring in Kavya Madhavan and an irritating song in foreign locations.

This is the kind of nonsense movie these old Jurassic age directors churn out. These are the kind of movies the stalwarts like Mohanlal and Suresh Body choose to act.

And these are the kind of movie that we, poor Malayalees, deserve to see – because it’s us, and no body else, gave the movie makers the feeling that we will gulp down any sh*t that is presented to us packed in colorful superstar wrappers and tied with the ribbon of over hype.

Enjoy your evening watching the news at home, it will be more entertaining than this movie.

Christian Brothers Rating: 2/10

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  3. Guest Review: Angel John
  4. Guest Review: Pappy Appacha
  5. Review roundup: July 4

22 Comments

  1. Hilarious!

    I know what you mean about those action scenes. Twenty:20 action scenes were just horrible. It felt so fake. So I guess Joshy repeated it again in this film. I just don’t get why people call Joshy an “action” director?

    I’m not one of those artsy guys who only loves serious films. I like my action!! But I gotta say Malayalam cinema always sucked at making “action” movies. Our fight scenes have always been and is so fake. Like that Mohanlal-Mammootty fight scene in Twenty:20. What the heck was that? I’ve seen better fights in my high school.

    Robert Rodriguez had better, much much better, action scenes in El Mariachi. And I mention that film because it was so low-budget. It was made for $7,000. Not by any studio but by Rodriguez himself, he later sold it to the studio after completing the film.

    It’s not a matter of budget, but people just aren’t creative enough.

  2. the critics mightn’t have liked this movie.But the movie is turning out to be a big hit here…..!

  3. nice,hilarious review btw….

  4. This is a go**** fight scene, where people actually fight and get hurt!! It freaking hurts!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=saX-O4BoTEs&feature=related

  5. Some one needs to show Joshi that!

  6. Good review.. But the author must remember that Joshy was one of the best action and multistarrer directors in the 80s and 90s.. And he still remains one of the directors who can guarantee an average opening for his movies….
    Before writing these crap reviews, remember that directors do undertake a tedious job and try to do their best which is being enjoyed by us on screen. (You try directing a 20-20 or Christian brothers and let us know)
    Agreed, the movie was just average, and meant for fans but still it has some value. The term called popcorn-entertainer etc…

  7. Good point Vineeth. Quick question – Have you ever written a review?

    Well, I saw Christian Brothers and I read this review. You know which one is more entertaining?

  8. “remember that directors do undertake a tedious job and try to do their best which is being enjoyed by us on screen.”

    If we look at it that way, then all the films released in the world so far in the past 100 years or so can be termed as “good”.

    I haven’t seen Christian Brothers, but I can comment on Twenty:20. That film’s problem was that most of the fight scenes looked staged and fake. It seems like Joshy made better better films in the 80s and 90s than the ones he makes now.

  9. So Sad !!!! Its a 3rd class movie. Even if 1% fanfolks of our biggies into the theater, the producer will still make money.

    Hopeless stuff. Completely agree with Hari. Better do some charity with the money.

  10. This movie is purely an entertainer…if u enjoy tamil and telugu movies then y can’t this. you make an action film in malayalam and inform us

  11. @vineeth,

    good pop corn entertainers will manage to entertain everyone,the so called critics and the masses alike…..pakshe ithu oru mathiri……

    btw writing a good review is also not an easy job and i think harikrishnan had done an excellent job at that…This review is damn funny and even a bit more entertaining than the movie itself….!

  12. Nice review by Hari Krishnan. far better than the movie. Give him a big hand.

    If we pay for tickets and waste our 4-5 hours for a movie , we need to get back something worthy. Unfortunately most of the movies released in last 4-5 years fail to entertain us. rather we got irritated by seeing these craps

  13. i am disagreeig with vineeth and his supporter srini. what vineeth said “You try directing a 20-20 or Christian brothers and let us know”..is nonsense. the reviewer is not supposed to direct a movie, that is not his job. but joshy is not like that, thats y we call him director.

    even the ordinary audience find it a blind repetition of old movies. joshy too knows it obviously. even then he goes for such nonsense movies, because they think only about the commercial aspects.
    they are trying to release the movie in maximum number of stations and get the maximum initial collection possible, for they know that within a week or two, the movie is gonna bomb in box office due to (actual) negative reviews…but it pains us that malayalam movie was one of the greatest in this country with bharatan,padmarajan,lohithadas etc with movies like thaniyavarthanam kireedam etc with same set of stars…dont blindly promote these kind of movies, or you will never get good movies back..necessity is the mother of invention, if there is no demand, new movies will never come…

  14. who ever wrote dis review has some good skill to make a person laugh :)

  15. Supporter Srini disagrees with Vineeth MP that Srini was agreeing with other Vineeth. And Supporter Srini wishes that Sarcasm was part of curriculum in Kerala.

  16. dis a blind review…
    august 15 kandille?…aa padavum christian brothersum onnu kompare chey…august 15 pole oru meaningless padam aduthonnum irangeetilla….oru bullettum exe dressingum itt mammutyie irkyal padam 100 odumenu shaji karudyo?

    pinne..christn brthrs munpirangiya orupaad padnaglde elements mix cheydit enkilum..kandirikkam..aa 3 manikkor sharikkum aveshathode kandirikkam{A surajine oyivakyal,mohanlalnte intro seen oyivaakyal}
    and songs too are really good…
    a good film….3.5/5 we can give….

  17. whether u like it or not, its turning out to be a hit.
    feel sorry for the dim witted, low on IQ keralities

  18. I guess I’ll give this film a pass. And instead watch a film recommended by an East Asian colleague of mine, The City of Violence.

  19. Add to that list the Thai film Chocolate.

    no fat dudes fighting, no male hero, and no 30 min Suresh Gopi dialogues scenes.

    It’s a “real action” movie.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Axf_EXzF_qM

  20. When I look at the scenes that the once-Great Mohanlal acts, overpowering sleep hits me. The only role that Mohanlal is fit to play now might be Jabba the Hutt in Star Wars. Similiar feelings for Dileep and Suresh Body as well.

    Joshy and the scriptwriters are at fault here. They no longer challenge people like Mohanlal as an actor. There is argument from blind idiot fans of the stars’ is that it is a “commercial” film. Now you can go fully commercial, with a high profile star cast, and still make the film high quality entertainment. Take Ocean’s 11/13 (12 is not so great, imho) for example. Its got a high prof star cast, but is a full fledged, high octane, intelligently funny, classy entertainer! There the difference is Soderbergh and his script. He gets the BEST out of Clooney, Pitt, Damon, Cheadle, Pacino, Julia Roberts, Andy Garcia… and the rest. His characters are tweaked to get the maximum out of their “star value” and turns out to be intelligent and funny!

    It will be great if Malayalam scriptwriters and directors (both the new ones and those from the Jurassic age) try to understand what smart people like Soderbergh are doing in similar situations and take inspiration (I don’t mean blind stealing here, I meant a deep understanding of the play of art and craft of filmmaking) and make better movies utilizing the maximum of the star’s market potential.

    But Soderberg and Joshy-Sachi-Sethu are galaxies apart!

  21. I liked your reviews on the movie and I agree with you 100% but take this. The average malayalee college goer and youth upto age of 35 are still not got out of kerala and its mindset.

    My uncle who runs a theatre says never can any other malayalam movie actor besides mammoty and mohanlal can bring such initial collection. EVEN TODAY.

    Comedy in malayalam movies have become difficult to digest.

    Or let’s take the political scene, despite this bad state of affairs. Still in kerala the LDF gets vote and may even emerge victorious.

    Well youth attitude of Kerala, have not changed, go sit with these guys and just listen to their conversation. And u shall understand what I mean.

    Films are just a reflection of society and some terrible and senseless movies are just a reflection of the same.

  22. @21

    A request to keep ill formed political bias out of this.

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