varnachitram

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What will Priyan do next?

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Last week Priyadarshan’s latest Hindi movie Bhool Bhulaiyya starring Akshay Kumar, Vidya Balan, Rajpal Yadav and Paresh Rawal was released to mixed reviews. Like most of his previous movies, this one was also a remake, this time of the Malayalam classic Manichithrathazhu , but some reviewers think that even though it was a scene by scene remake, the movie does not have a soul . After attempting remakes of Siddique-Lal, Sathyan Anthikkad and his own movies, Priyadarshan has now started with Fazil movies.

Soon he will run out of popular contemporary movies and then what can he do? If Priyadarshan stops making remakes, then Akshay Kumar, Paresh Rawal and Rajpal Yadav will be forced to act in one of those Yash Chopra/Karan Johar type movies where the hero and the heroine sing songs to each other standing in two separate helicopters flying over the Alps.

Our suggestion is that Priyadarshan should start remaking some Malayalam classics and what better way to start than with a remake of Oru Vadakkan Veeragatha. Obviously Akshay Kumar will play Chanthu and his martial arts experience will come in handy in the sword fighting scenes. For the role of Aromal Chekavar, it has to be Suneil Shetty. Paresh Rawal can play the role of Aringodar and Rajpal Yadav can play a horse, while we cannot think of anyone other than some model who cannot act in the role of Kunji. Priyanka Chopra can be Unniyarcha whose martial arts prowess was seen in Don and Kareena Kapoor can do the Unni Ganapathi song.

MT’s poetic lines will be difficult to translate, but we are sure Neeraj Vohra knows as much Malayalam as any one of us now and more than the hosts in the Malayalam Channels. One of the tense scenes in the movie is when Unniyarcha’s son comes to seek revenge. That scene could go like this.

Chanthu: Kaun He be tu?
Subtitle: Who are you?

Unniyaracha’s son: Mei tere ko tapakne ko aaya re. Yamraj samjho.
Subtitle: I have come to kill you. Think Yamraj.

(Paresh Rawal pops in gigles, and runs away)

Chanthu: Oh tu mera beta hai jo paida nahi hua
Subtitle: Yes, it is difficult to translate pirakkatha poya makan.

(Rajpal Yadav pops in gigles, and runs away)

Unniyaracha’s son: Oh! I can’t stand your Hindi. I will fall on the sword and die myself.
Subtitle: Tumhara hindi khatarnak hai. Mein yunhi chala chala

(U’s son commits suicide. Chanthu smiles at the camera. Random models pop in a swing their body at the camera along with Paresh Rawal and Rajpal Yadav)

Once he is done with Oru Vadakkan Veeragatha, Priyadarshan can remake another classic, Chemmeen with Akshay Kumar playing Pareekutty. Palani will be played by John Abraham and Karuthamma will be a model who cannot act. The towering role of Chembankunju will be played by Paresh Rawal supported by Suneil Shetty the whale and Rajpal Yadav the boat.

One of the memorable songs in the film is Manasa Maine VaRooo, sung by Manna Dey with a strong Hindi accent and acted rather pityfully by Madhu. In the Hindi version, Akshay Kumar will look at aquamarine water in the beaches of Mauritius and will emote the Hindi version for a song sung by Vineeth Srinivasan and Rimi Tomy with the song of fishermen in the chorus by Jassie Gift.

Dil Ke Mynah, aa jaa aa jaa aa jaa
Meeta kuch, de deee, de deee, de deee

(a rapper steps in: “Yo! ppl, this is the story of Parekutty, kutti, kutti, and Karuthamma, amma, amma…” while a group of fisherwomen led by Mallika Sherawat do flamenco in the background.)

Our suggestion to Priyadarshan is that there is much fish in the water, which means that many many Malayalam movies to be remade starting all way from Vigathakumaran. He should not stop remaking because of a few failures or because a few Malayalee directors are jumping on a sword like Chanthu after watching their movies being butchered in Hindi. But then it could be a double edged sword, if all the directors commit suicide in Malayalam for there will be no movies for remake.

It is all about choosing a movie and adapting it to Hindi sensibilities, Maybe Hindi people don’t like classy stuff like Manichithathazhu. If so, he can try remaking some Jayan movies in Hindi, with Akshay Kumar starring as Jayan and Rajpal Yadav as Jayan’s muscle.

7 Comments

  1. 🙂 . This was good 😛 . Oru Vadakkan Veeragatha will in Hindi is a very interetsing concept 😛

  2. You missed out on MG Sreekumar’s crooning in Priyans movies. Hes stepped into hindi with Bhool Bhoolayya.

    Bhool Bhulaiya has taken an excellent opening and is on the way to becoming a hit.

  3. This is not the first time MG has sung in Hindi. He sang one song in Kabhi Na Kabhi and one in Doli Sajake Rakhna.

  4. LOL!
    I loved the tongue-in-cheek humor that pervades this post!!

  5. Very funny…

    I think “Oru VADAKKAN Veeragatha” will be easily adaptable to Hindi since its already a NORTHERN story! 🙂

    The way things are going, Priyan’s next prey would be “His Highness Abdulla”.

    Bachao…!

  6. VK – I stand corrected. “sriyettan” has sung few bits of a song in Dil Se, along with the ones you mentioned.

    Update: In the channels, the verdict was out. Bhool has become a big hit and Yash Chopra’s Lagaa Chunri has bombed big time.

    Credit to Priyan and Neeraj Vohra for customising the dialogues even though Akshay “wooden” Kumar is not a patch on Lal

    Also take a look at this http://www.rediff.com/movies/2007/oct/16bb.htm

    According to this, even the Malayali audience have accepted Bhool even though they know that its far from the original

  7. Hahaha… one of the most hilarious posts I’ve ever read in VC. 🙂

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