varnachitram

A Blog on Cinema

2006 Awards

| 19 Comments

It is a new year and  time to bestow some awards on all those people who worked tirelessly to entertain us the last year. If not for these people, varnachitram would be hosting a blank page every day. Yes, the list is a bit nasty, then what to do. It was pretty serious stuff here for the past two weeks and we need to get silly once in a while.

  • Best Young Actor: Mammotty, who seems to be getting younger and hep day by day.
  • More Malayalee Than Most Malayalees Award: Padmapriya, who seems to be in every other movie with heroes from Mammotty to Srinivasan.
  • King Cobra Award: Thilakan for spitting venom against almost everyone in the film industry.
  • The only Malayalee heroine who can speak Malayalam Award: Kavya Madhavan
  • Best Wig Award: Siddique in various movies.
  • Worst Wig Award: Mammotty in Balram vs Tharadas
  • Person giving sleepless nights to Mohanlal fans award: Prithviraj, just based on the comments posted here.
  • Mission Impossible Award: The dance master who taught Mammotty to dance
  • Honorary DYSP Award: Suresh Gopi, for staying in Police Uniform more than career police officers.
  • Honorary Don Award; Suresh Gopi
  • Best Dialogue without inhaling award: Suresh Gopi
  • Best Malayalam-English dictionary: Suresh Gopi
  • Best Malayalam-Hindi dictionary: Neeraj Vohra, who writes most of Priyadarshan’s remakes.
  • Best award for remaking his own movies: Shaji Kailas
  • Best Buy one Get one offer – Prithviraj and Indrajith
  • Person Most in Need of Combat Training:  Bheeman Raghu, who got beaten up by Dileep in Chess
  • National Award for acting as the idiot in Maximum number of movies: Cochin Haneefa
  • Sunil Shetty of the year award: No Winner (Everyone knows to act in Malayalam)
  • Person Most in Need of an Audience: Jayaram
  • Best Xerox Machine Award: Jayaraj, for making Ashwaroodan (Prajapathy) and Anachantham (Lohithadas had planned an elephant movie)
  • Best Animal lover award: Jayaraj, for making Ashwaroodan and Anachantham
  • The Man Who Lost his Mojo award: Ranjith, (Chandrolsavam, Prajapathy)
  • The Man Who Lost his Mojo award, Runner Up: Lohithadas  
  • Mandrake Award for the Director  who made most money dissappear: Ranjan Pramod whose miracle with Photographer is a tough act to follow.
  • Film which reinforced belief in God in Kerala Award: Photographer (all people said, Oh God after seeing it)
  • Movie Factory Conveyor Belt Award: Kalabhavan Mani
  • Randomly Trying Various Tricks Award: Dileep, tried to be a don, a retard, an idiot etc. Nothing worked.
  • Tanmatra award for Medical condition of the year – Brain damage caused by seeing Pachakuthira
  • Best Tourist award – Meera Jasmine who visited just to act in Rasathanthram.
  • Best Personal Sacrifice Award: Mamta Mohandas (for kissing Suresh Gopi in Lanka)
  • Special jury mention for  promoting varnachitram in Google award:  Mamta Mohandas
  • Tiger Balm Headache Award: Kilukkam Kilukilukkam
  • Newcomer of the year Award: Ha ha ha this is Malayalam cinema, we don’t like newcomers

(inspired by B. Rangan

19 Comments

  1. Hahahaha ;-).. Laughed out loud!!! Hey by the way what is this “Movie Factory Conveyor Belt Award”??? Explanation needed bro!!!

    Unnikrishnan G Nair.

  2. Thanks πŸ™‚ Kalabhavan Mani acts in so many movies one after the other like pieces coming off a conveyor belt…hence..

  3. Ha ha ha this is Malayalam cinema, we donÒ€ℒt like newcomers

    That’s not totally true. People (common man) have appreciated the talented youngsters who played the Muslim girl in Classmates and Pooja and Sarah from Notebook.

  4. Lol

    Kalabhavan Mani should also be given the Kalaignar Rajinikanth award for “Pandi”ising Kerala movie culture bigtime.

  5. this was awesome…couldnt stop laughing out here! all of it is so true. somebody should forward this to all the filmi folk and film journalists and show them how ordinary people outside the industry see them.

  6. Mammotty should get the newcomer award since he reinvented a different version of Dancing technique, after seeing it (on TV only my God!!!) my 17 year old Chennai fed son vowed not to see any mallu movie in his life time and we had to threaten him of dire consequences if he is not coming for Classmates.

  7. Downright funny.
    πŸ˜€
    The Worst Wig Award strikes the nail right on the head. Wonder what made him go for a horrendous hairdo that looked at its best like a chimpanzee’s bum to me.
    πŸ˜‰

  8. Jo, Thats an interesting find… Actually from this we can deduce that the normal movie watching Malayalee welcomes newcomer girls as the heroines of our invincible superstars M&M, but cannot stand newcomer guys!!!

  9. Though written sarcastically, some of the awards are really inspiring. Padmapriya wins the ‘Most Malayalee than Malayalee Award’ hands down. So much so that everybody thinks she is a Malayalee. Mammooty may not be getting younger day by day, but sure he is not getting older.

  10. Nice one my friend! Had a very good laugh. πŸ™‚

  11. Though Hilarious, it saracastically shows the pathetic state of affairs of the Mallu Industry.

  12. Though sarcastical, it shows in real terms the pathetic state of affairs.

  13. Shouldn’t there be a ‘Most open secret’ award, which can go to Mohanlal for his wigs (various shapes, sizes). Maybe Gulfgate can sponsor this!

  14. very original !
    πŸ™‚

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